Top 5 Communication Mistakes Couples Make and How to Fix Them
Communication is hard. Even the most loving couples get caught up in frustrating patterns that keep them stuck or feeling misunderstood. If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t we just talk without it turning into a fight?”, you’re not alone.
At Grounded Growth Counseling, we see these communication pitfalls all the time — and the good news is, most of them are totally fixable once you know what’s going on.
Here are the top 5 communication mistakes couples make and some easy ways to turn things around.
1. Talking to Win Instead of to Understand
How often do you catch yourself trying to “win” an argument? When the goal is scoring points or proving your partner wrong, it shuts down real connection.
Fix it: Shift your goal to understanding your partner’s feelings and perspective. Try saying, “Tell me more about how that made you feel,” instead of “You’re wrong because…” It softens the conversation and opens the door for empathy.
2. Avoiding the Hard Conversations
It’s tempting to dodge tough topics — maybe you don’t want to rock the boat or fear hurting each other. But sweeping things under the rug only builds resentment.
Fix it: Set aside a calm time to talk openly. Use “I” statements like, “I feel worried when…” to keep it personal and less blaming. Remember, uncomfortable talks can be the gateway to deeper connection.
3. Interrupting or Not Really Listening
Ever notice your partner zoning out or jumping in before you finish? Or maybe you catch yourself doing it (guilty! Hey, therapists are people too!) . When we don’t really listen, we miss the point and escalate frustration.
Fix it: Practice active listening. That means really hearing your partner without planning your response. Nod, repeat back what you heard (“So you’re saying…”), and hold space for their feelings.
4. Using Absolutes Like “Always” or “Never”
Saying things like “You always ignore me” or “You never help out” feels like an attack and puts your partner on the defensive.
Fix it: Focus on specific behaviors instead of sweeping generalizations. Instead of “You never listen,” try “I felt unheard last night when I was talking about my day.” It’s less accusatory and invites problem-solving.
5. Bringing Up the Past in Every Fight
Dragging up old grievances in new arguments can make problems feel impossible to solve. It creates a cycle of blame and hurt.
Fix it: Stick to the current issue. If past hurts come up, agree to set aside a separate time to unpack them so you can really focus and heal.
Communication takes practice — and sometimes we all need a little help breaking old patterns. That’s where therapy can make a huge difference.
At Grounded Growth Counseling, we use proven methods like Gottman, PACT, and EFT to help couples build emotional safety and connect in new ways. Whether you want weekly sessions or a focused couples intensive, we’re here to support your growth.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck and want to build communication that feels safe, loving, and real — let’s connect. Your relationship deserves it.
